Oh, Bummer!

Mya is two.  Mya likes to say lots of words right now.

New words.
Everyday.
Repeating my words.

She cracks me up as she attempts to speak and communicate with us and others.  It's so fascinating to walk with her through her language development step-by-step, day-by-day and see her form new sounds and remember and use new words.  Watching her vocabulary grow is an astounding thing.

And, as I watch her speak in new ways, I am reminded of the importance of my language, our language.  Of what she hears in our home.

She doesn't have a filter, yet.  I don't expect her to.  So, she'll say whatever she hears...from us, from our families, from her little friends, from TV shows and movies.  And, I am reminded of the role that I play in her life right now...as she's developing her language...her tone...her inflections.  She listens to me, her mom.  She listens to how I speak to her AND to others...how I raise my voice when I'm not happy or frustrated...how I speak gently to her as we color or read a book or as she's in my arms needing to be cuddled a bit because of fear or a feeling of being scared for a moment.  She listens to how I speak in sentences to her.  How I praise her.  How I discipline her.

I was reminded of this yesterday.  She had opened up her toy box and was selecting toys to play with. I noticed her sitting by her toy box as I passed by the room, and I decided to sit down beside her.  We started to chat with one another.  Small talk.  And I cannot even remember exactly what our little conversation was all about...EXCEPT that at one point, she leaned over and said, "Oh, Bummer!"

"Oh, Bummer!"...???...Ha!

That's one of my phrases.  It stopped me for a moment.  I repeated the phrase back to her...she said it again to me with a smile.  She knew just how to use it...in the right context.  And I burst out laughing.  She sounded just like me.  We laughed together.

My mind went immediately to the Scripture passage:  Luke 6:45
"A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart."

In that moment, I was thankful that that was what she said to me.  I am not a perfect mom.  I never will be.  There are countless times that I've been frustrated, angry, annoyed.  I've raised my voice.  I've been impatient.  And I've apologized to Mya.  I've asked for forgiveness.  I've talked with her about how it is not okay for me to raise my voice or yell in rage.

And yet I can sense her forgiveness...immediately.

She'll almost always lean in and hug me.  At times, this has brought me to tears.  Realizing how much grace and forgiveness she extends to me...because I am not perfect.

This is a good reminder for me, too, that she is not perfect.  My job is to continue to mold and shape her and guide her, with God's grace, into the woman of God that she's meant to be.  Some days are tough.  Very tough.  And, it feels like an endless uphill battle of tears, tantrums, and sassy, desire-to-be-independent behaviors.

But other days, I am reminded of her beauty...of her sweet, kind spirit...of her love and compassion.  Her desire to learn and grow.

Parenting is quite humbling.  Quite tiring.  Quite draining.

But, it is also the most fulfilling, most rewarding thing I've ever done thus far.  Some days, I feel like I'm learning more from her than she's learning from me.  Either way, parenting is an important task...and a job requiring lots of grace.  I am thankful to be Mya's mommy.