Several years ago when we began our journey towards adoption, we also began a journey of better understanding what adoption means and looks like for families. Each step of the way, a common theme kept resurfacing:
No two stories...journeys toward adoption...are alike.
We'd meet families and talk to friends (all of whom were already connected to adoption) and walk away from the conversations feeling both excited for what our story would like and feeling scared and uncertain of many things. What would our story look like? When would our adoption happen? Would we ever get picked? What will the birthparents like about us? Will they think we're weird? Is this what we're really called to do? Do we know what we're getting ourselves into?...Are we even ready to become parents yet?
We had no real idea of what our journey would be...what it would look like. In fact, we sort of thought we'd have a "closed adoption." (This means that there's no contact with biological family members.) That just seemed to make the most sense. Seemed to be the easiest. Early on in our journey.
But through lots of learning (and many, many prayers) and a better understanding of things from the perspectives of birth families, adoptive families, and children who were adopted...we realized that our hearts were changing. Our hearts' desire was slowly becoming that of a couple who longed to have a relationship with our future child's biological family. An "open adoption" felt so right. It became our prayer.
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In our story, we had the privilege of meeting Mya's birthmom. She wanted to meet us. She wanted to select the couple that would parent her daughter. She had narrowed it down to us and another couple. She wanted to talk with us and make sure that we could accurately know her heart and convey those feelings to Mya as she's growing up.
The word "amazing" doesn't even begin to describe what it was like meeting Mya's birthmom.
It's fun being on this side of the adoption (with it being finalized and all) and reflecting back to that time. Lots of anxiety and nervousness. Having "butterflies in my stomach" doesn't even begin to express what was going on internally...the morning we met her. She was nervous, too. We could tell.
But it was a beautiful meeting. At a Friendly's Restaurant. In a booth right in the middle of the dining room. The restaurant was very full...lunchtime...but everything else around us was a blur. Our focus was on Mya's birthmom...on getting to know her...on remembering the small details of that meeting.
And, we had no idea that in that same day we'd meet Mya's birthmom, she would also ask us if we wanted to meet Mya. She knew from meeting with us that she wanted to pick us...she wanted us to parent Mya. We'd have the honor of holding our soon-to-be daughter for the very first time. She was just two weeks old...and such an itty-bitty cutie.
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In this moment, our hearts were forever connected. Our lives were forever interchanged. And it felt so right. I never imagined my heart being so filled with love for our new baby. Our baby that didn't grow in my belly...but in both of our hearts [Brandon's and mine]...for many years. I never imagined having a feeling of respect...so deep that it's even hard to describe...for Mya's birthmom. I never imagined forever being intertwined with this perfect stranger [Mya's birthmom] and her family...and yet feeling like we were never strangers at all. Always connected in a way. And forever connected in the days to come.
I'm thankful for these memories that are engraved in my mind. Mya's birthmom is amazing. I love telling Mya about her adoption story. Not in full detail yet because of her age. But in a way that can empower her to know she was adopted and know she is deeply loved.
Our story is not perfect. Life on earth can be so uncertain...so scary. The future holds many unknowns. What questions will Mya ask as she gets older? Will Mya even want to stay connected to her biological family? How will we handle this? And how will she perceive all of this as she grows older? Will she be proud that she was adopted or embarrassed? Will it bother Mya that she doesn't look like me? Fear can easily fill us. Questions can run rampant through our minds. Control us if we allow them to. But one thing IS certain. God is in control. He has filled us with a peace, and we continue to trust that He will lead and guide us. We trust that He will give us the wisdom we need and work through us to answer her tough questions in the right way and at the right time.
I am deeply thankful that adoption has become a part of our journey. Our family. I'm thankful to still be connected with Mya's birthmom today. And I look forward to staying connected with her...continuing to share this journey with her. Continuing to watch Mya touch both of our lives and hearts. To God be the glory.
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