Precious Words

Thinking back to our recent visit with Mya's biological family, it's hard to articulate in words the emotions and deep gratitude we have for this opportunity to share Mya's life with them and their lives with Mya and our families.  I could have never imagined an "open adoption" feeling so right.  But it does.  

We don't know still how our open adoption will unfold.  How it will develop.  We don't know if we'll always stay connected.  Or if we'll one day lose touch.  But we do know that we want Mya's best interest to remain at the fore-front of our decision-making process.  

And up to this point, an open adoption is the right choice for our family.

The way we've connected with her maternal biological family is a gift.  In some ways I feel like it's more of a gift to me and Brandon than it is to Mya.  I could never have imagined having so much respect and love for a perfect stranger...the mother of our daughter.  But I do.  I could have never imagined being brave enough to step out in faith and meet up with Mya's biological family each year.  But God's filled me the strength and boldness and love to do this.  I could have never imagined sharing so many connections with a family that I never knew (and am still getting to know) before November 2010.  But its an invaluable gift.  

Sometimes I wonder how I could be so blessed to have an adoptive daughter.  Why God chose me for this responsibility.  If you would have asked me ten-years ago if I would adopt, I'm guessing I would have declined the possibility.  Not out of opposition but out of a naive-ness to the beauty of it and how it could so richly bless my life.  

And just when I've felt like God couldn't bless us more through our adoption journey, He does.  He allows us the opportunity...a totally unexpected opportunity...to meet Mya's birthfather for the very first time.  (See my previous post to read more.  Click here to read that post.)

You might wonder what a biological father would say to their child's adoptive father.  It's a situation that we could have never planned for.  In fact, I think the "unexpected" aspect to his visit with us on Saturday was a blessing in disguise.  You see, if I would have know...ahead of time...that he was coming, the human side of me would have been worried.  I would have played out the events of the pending visit over and over in my head.  It might have even made me anxious and sick-to-my-stomach with wonder and anticipation.  

But because Mya's biological father "just showed up"...we rolled with the punches.  We greeted him.  We introduced ourselves.  We smiled and even laughed with him.  And Brandon embraced his offer to chat privately...while the rest of us attempted to eat.  

Their conversation went well.  His words so thoughtful.  His nervousness obvious.  His sincerity genuine.  His courage admirable.  And the one part of their conversation that I've clung to since Brandon shared it with me....

Mya's birthfather - "Mya was not an accident.  She's here for a reason.  You are her dad; Kristen is her mom.  There's no question about that.  And if Mya ever wants to know me, please let her know that she can contact me."  

Wow.  As I type this, I can become emotional again.  What a gift he's given to the daughter he doesn't even know.  And by his openness and vulnerability, Brandon was able to immediately share with him that we're okay with Mya knowing him now.  

We don't know if he'll choose to stay in touch.  We don't know if or when we'll talk with him again; we've given him the right to make that choice when he's ready.  But at least I know in my adoptive mom heart that he's okay with us raising his daughter.  That he's, in a way, given us his blessing.  

There's so much more to that ten-minute conversation that is precious to our family and close friends.  And as the story continues to unfold, we'll continue to share with wisdom, discernment, and respect to Mya and her story.  Thank you for joining us in this journey.

A Surprise Visitor...Another Piece to Our Adoption Journey

In my previous post, shared with you yesterday, I explained that we met up with Mya's birthfamily...her birthmom, biological half-brother, and biological grandma...at a restaurant this past weekend.  (To read that post, please click here.)

This was our third year meeting up with them.  And each time, Mya's birthmom has mentioned to us that she's invited Mya's BIRTHFATHER to attend our visit, as well.  Until this year, we had yet to even meet Mya's birthdad.  We have his picture in Mya's bedroom, and we've received a positive perspective on who he is from Mya's birthmom (...they are not dating but have stayed in touch throughout their journey...).  But until Saturday night, we had never met.  

Just like other visits in the past, Mya's birthmom had invited him to come.  She never heard back from him and, most likely, just wrote it off as another year that he'd decided to not join us.  

So, we were all a little SHOCKED and SURPRISED when he showed up at our booth to introduce himself to me and and Brandon (and Mya, too).

I had JUST taken Mya to the bathroom.  I knew she needed to go...but I also needed to take the opportunity to remind her of appropriate table manners while we separated from the rest of the group.  And just as we returned, I remember sitting back down at the booth, turning to Mya to help her sit down, and realizing that Brandon was talking over me to someone else.  I assumed it was our waitress or the manager.  It NEVER CROSSED MY MIND that Brandon would be talking to Mya's birthdad.  

It was a quick meeting for me.  I turned, introduced myself, and chatted with him very briefly (looking back, I'm pretty sure I was in shock and a bit of denial)...then turned to Mya to help walk her through greeting her birthdad FOR THE FIRST TIME.  (Like most little ones, she wasn't super eager say hello...her food held her attention a bit more.)  I then remember glancing across the table and realizing that Mya's maternal biological family was equally surprised by his visit...I could see it on their faces.  I glanced again overtop Mya to Brandon and remember watching them shake hands and greet one another.  It all happened so quickly.  Maybe two-, three-minutes max.  And yet it felt like a monumental moment in our daughter's life.  He didn't force Mya to give him a "high five."  He didn't request a hug or suggest that she greet him.  He acknowledged that he was a stranger.  And he was completely respectful of everyone.  His smile was contagious; his face was very joyful.  

Then Mya's birthdad made a request..."Brandon, could I talk to you for a minute."  

Without hesitation, Brandon agreed and traveled with Mya's birthdad to the lobby of the restaurant.  I remained with Mya at the booth...along with her birth-family.  So picture this, our food has now arrived.  None of us can think about eating.  We're all shocked and literally at a loss for words.  Brandon is not with me.  I ask Mya's birthmom if she knew he was coming...she confirmed that she had invited him but had no idea that he would show.  We were pretty much speechless.  

Mya's birthdad was on his way to work.  He had so much to tell Brandon (and us).  And he found a way to fit all of his thoughts and emotions into a ten-minute conversation with Brandon...in the lobby of Texas Roadhouse.  

You can imagine that those thoughts and emotions were pretty powerful.  You can imagine that I was dying to find out from Brandon WHAT HE SAID...but had to wait until AFTER we departed from the restaurant and Mya's maternal biological family.  And you can imagine that this now adds a whole other dynamic to what our "open adoption" journey means for Mya and our family.  In my next post, I'll share more about how Mya's birthfather's words have already impacted me and our family.

Our Yearly Reunion - Texas Roadhouse Style!

We were blessed to spend time with our family that lives in Ohio and Iowa last week.  We love visiting with them...seeing Mya play with her cousins, watching her play and giggle with her grandparents, encouraging her to make new friends at the local pool.  It makes the long drive to the Midwest SO worth it.  It's a gift for us to see her discovering new things, in a different part of the country.

And as we traveled home this past weekend, we also had the privilege of meeting up with Mya's birth-family.  Her birthmom.  Her half-brother.  Her biological grandma, too.  This is our third year visiting with them.  And each year so far, we've met them on our travels to-or-from Iowa, as we've passed through the State College area of Pennsylvania.

And each year, we invite them to choose where we'll meet.  This year: TEXAS ROADHOUSE.

It was awesome!

First off, we love eating there.  But rarely go.  Secondly, their Texas Roadhouse still did all kinds of fun line-dances throughout our meal (...now, maybe I don't go to our Texas Roadhouse often enough, but the recent times I've been there, I've witnessed no line-dancing.)  So, this provided some cool entertainment for the kids.  We witnessed at least two birthday celebrations (which, might I mention, involve the birthday person climbing onto a "saddled horse" as the community of diners wished them well with a friendly (and loud) "Yee-haw!")  We sang along to country songs.  We watched the kids interact.  We searched for conversation to have with each other.  We enjoyed a meal together.

Sometimes it was a little quiet in our booth.  A little awkward.  Sometimes Mya didn't want to sit or talk to the family that she barely knows.  Other times, conversations flowed freely.  Laughter filled our booth.  But it all felt so right.  The awkwardness and the joy blended together in such a way that made for another great visit with some of Mya's maternal biological family.  And eventually, Mya even made her way over to the other side of the booth where her biological family dined, and she joined them.  She ate their food.  She talked with them.  She gave hugs and shared a lollipop with her half-brother.

It's an experience that's hard to describe.  Like nothing I've ever experienced before in life.  And yet, so right.  So fulfilling.  So amazing.

And to add to this recent experience, we had a FIRST.  This was the FIRST time we met Mya's birthdad.  At Texas Roadhouse.  Invited but unexpected.  And so in my next post, I will share what it was like to meet him for the first time.

My 100th Post

It's hard to believe that just a little over 6-months ago, I embarked on my blogging journey.  From out of nowhere, I started my blog...with the support of sweet friends and family...and have enjoyed (and learned from) it each step of the way.  I have no idea how long I'll blog.  As long as I have something to type about or share, and blogging stays fun for me, I'll keep doing it.

And so, in honor of my "100th POST"...I've decided to share with you 100 THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR.  Some things may seem simple.  Very random.  Or even silly.  It may even seem a little extreme that I'd take the time to do this.  But I'm working to have a heart of gratitude, and this is nothing short of a good challenge for me.  So here goes!

In no particular order, I'm thankful for... 
1. My husband and daughter.
2. The home that we live in.
3. Interior decorating.
4. The Goodwill store that's so close to our house.
5. Friends that inspire me.
6. Lightning bugs, butterflies, and ladybugs.  They're all cute...and help to eradicate my fear of other creepy creatures.
7. Strasburg Creamery's or Carmen & David's "coconut" ice cream.
8. My summer job in high school.  I cherish some pretty great memories from working at Eagle Falls Adventure Park.
9. Our very supportive families.
10. Our garden's fresh veggies.
11. TARGET (woot! woot!)
12. Local discount grocery stores.
13. Our care group (past and present).
14. Bethany Christian Services.
15. Garage sales.
16. A great library system in our area.
17. Lots of fun community parks close by.
18. The ability to read and write.
19. Good health.
20. The Lancaster Family YMCA.
21. The beach.
22. The change of seasons.
23. Our church family.
24. The invention of the Internet.
25. "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.
26. The mom's group, "Connections," that I attend.
27. The dance lessons I received as a little girl.
28. My dancers and their families.
29. Isaac's Deli...and specifically their "ruffed grouse" sandwich.  YUM!
30. Old friends and new friends and how they shape(d) my life.
31. Hallmark...they make great cards.
32. The ability to drive.
33. Picking fresh fruit at a local orchard.
34. Downtown Lancaster.
35. Rockvale & Tanger Outlets.
36. Strawberry shortcake (the way my mom makes it).
37. Sunshine.
38. Being able to stay home with Mya.
39. A good Snickers bar.
40. My Contigo water bottle.
41. Tom's of Maine deodorant (...it works wonders!)
42. Gala apples.
43. Our fun fondue set.
44. Being able to cook on our grill.
45. Brandon's job.
46. Costco.
47. The fact that we can capture life through photos and videos.
48. Food banks.
49. The invention of paint.
50. All of the species of animals, birds, bugs, etc.  Unreal.  (A recent trip to Philly Zoo reminded me of this).
51. The little friends that Mya has (and their families).
52. Our neighborhood.
53. My parents' pool.
54. Potatoes.
55. Turkey Hill Diet Green Tea.
56. Jesus.
57. Spontaneous get-togethers with family and friends.
58. Board games.
59. My teachers throughout life.
60. Prayer.
61. Fresh-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies (or any cookies...for that matter!)
62. Art and music.
63. The generosity of others.
64. Water.
65. Sidewalk chalk and bubbles.
66. The ability to think and learn and be challenged.
67. Encouragement.
68. Hamloaf and sweet potato casserole and mac 'n cheese...comfort foods.
69. Mint gum.
70. My hairdresser.
71. Rain.
72. A good book.
73. Laughter.
74. Sudoku and seek-a-word puzzles.
75. Funnel cakes.
76. A beautiful rainbow.
77. Amusement parks.
78. Iced coffee drinks (a recent fave).
79. Picnics.
80. Holidays and reasons to get together and celebrate.
81. Costco's rotisserie chicken...my favorite last-minute meal.
82. Random acts of kindness.
83. Lancaster Creative Reuse...and all of the fun things I've made with the stuff I found and bought at their store.
84. Bible verses and other encouraging quotes.
85. Pinterest.
86. The wisdom of other generations.
87. Weekend getaways.
88. The chance to explore new parts of the country and world.
89. Meeting new people and making connections.
90. Antiques.
91. Game shows.
92. Moments of struggle and how it makes us stronger.
93. Naps.
94. Memories from my childhood.
95. Flowers...annuals, perennials, fresh-cut...they're all so beautiful and unique.
96. A note from a friend or a card from my mom.
97. Mya's curly hair.  It's so different from mine and so fun.
98. Coupons.
99. Discovering a cool, new website.
100. Children's picture books.

Should I dare say that when I get to "200 Posts"...I should challenge myself to post 200 things I'm thankful for?  :)

A Theological Question from a Two-Year Old

Have you ever been around a toddler and outta nowhere comes a rather deep, theological (yet simple) question?

This morning, Mya and I were hanging out.  She was strapped into her carseat in the backseat.  I was driving.  And literally...out of nowhere, she says...

"Mommy, where's Jesus?"

I took about three seconds to gather my thoughts and decide how exactly I should explain an answer to her...in two-year old terms.  I took a deep breath and told her that 'Jesus is in Heaven but that He's also kinda all around us.  Always with us.'  Mya's response?

"Didn't Jesus die, Mommy?"

"Yes, Mya.  You're right.  Remember, Jesus died on the cross.  But then He went up into Heaven."  (At this point, I'm still trying to gather my thoughts and get them out in the best possible way.)  

"Oh yeah.  Jesus died.  He went up to Heaven.  Why Mom?"

"Remember, Jesus died for our sins.  For all of the yucky stuff we do.  You know, like when Mommy yells, that's yucky.  That's sin.  Or when Mya doesn't listen and obey, that's not good, too.  That's sin.  Or when Mommy doesn't say nice things or when you hit or throw things, those are all yucky things.  All sins.  All things we need to ask forgiveness for.  We just talk to Jesus and ask Him to forgive us."  (Please keep in mind...I'm still driving at this point.  Oh, if only I could have seen Mya and her face in the midst of this conversation; I would have loved that.)

And that was it.  The conversation stopped there.  Nothing more, nothing less.  

But it left my pondering.  Isn't it amazing what comes "out of the mouths of babes"...I wish I had the ability to capture every silly or thought-provoking thing Mya said.  But I just can't...I just don't.  But this was one of those moments that I wanted to share with Brandon, too.  And when I shared it with him, he reminded me to never take those moments of questioning for granted.  Even though, Mya doesn't fully "get it," it's still an openness, a chance for her to ponder, ask questions, feel safe expressing thoughts.  It's a habit of learning and also a good opportunity for me to polish my thoughts and views before extending them to her.  

I don't know that I answered Mya's questions in the best way that I could have earlier today.  Frankly, it all happened so fast.  But thank goodness for God's grace, for the words to say in those quick moments...and for the fact that I'll hopefully have many more opportunities to talk with Mya about "the stuff of life."  And while I pondered this quick conversation with Mya, I was reminded of that fact that it's okay for me to let her know that I don't know all of the answers.  That I'm still learning and growing, too.

If you've ever babysat, been a parent, worked with children in a classroom setting, you've had moments like these, too.  In the "Post a Comment" section below, please feel free to share the questions that were asked by the little ones in your life and how you answered them.  

July 4th Activities for Kids!

Happy Independence Day, everyone!

As we remember and reflect on how our nation gained its independence many years ago, may we also take time to honor and thank those around us who currently serve our country.  Their sacrifice is incredible and such an example to us all.

And as we celebrate July 4th with family and friends, here are some fun activities for kids (and "kids-at-heart").  Click on the images for a complete list of directions and materials needed.


{1}  Red, White, & Blue Windsock



{2}  Fireworks in a Jar



{3}  Homemade Face Paint



Thank you, "I Can Teach My Child," for these ideas!!!

Meeting Up With Birthmom

We're meeting up with Mya's birthmom in just a few weeks.

To some people, this may seem scary...or maybe even odd.
But for us, it feels right.  It makes us excited to reunite.  It gives us hope for what our future relationship might look like.

This July will mark the third year in a row that we will have the opportunity to meet-up with Mya's birthmom, half-brother, and maternal grandma.  We are so thankful for this chance to see them again, reconnect, and continuing growing our bond between one another.

But it also means some uncertainties, too.

*Will we just pick-up right where we left off from our get-together last summer?
*Will we still have stuff in common to talk about?
*How will Mya behave?
*Will Mya remember these people who are an important part of who she is but that she rarely sees or gets to know better?
*Will there be a day that Mya no longer wants to have these reunions?
*How will Mya's birth-family feel, down the road, about us getting together?  
*Will they want to keep seeing us...with her?  How does that make them feel?  Does it reopen wounds and bring pain back to the forefront of their minds?

I've gotten to the place where I cannot worry about all of these things.  I can't keep questioning.  Sure, these questions do still pass through my mind.  Naturally.  I'm human.  But as time has passed, I've felt more and more that all we can do is take this journey one day at a time.

I can't have expectations.  But I can hope.
I can't force this relationship to stay connected forever.  But I can do all that I can to reach out and show them love.
I can't have unrealistic goals.  But I can allow time (and God's grace) to give us direction.

We meet up with Mya's birth-family...for Mya.  And for her birth-family, too.  We see that it's brought healing and comfort to them...and that brings us peace and joy.  We have the utmost respect for Mya's birth-family...and specifically for her birthmom and birthdad.  For the choice that they made to put Mya first and to put their desires aside.  And for how they made the difficult decision to select another family [us] to parent her.

I cannot imagine having been in their shoes.  And to be honest, if I would have been in their shoes, I don't know if I could have been as strong as they were.  And because of this, it has changed my perspective.  It's given me a deeper appreciation for the decisions people make.  Because until we've walked down the road of another person, we truly don't know what decisions we would make.  And by us staying connected to Mya's birth-family, we're able see this journey through their eyes as well.  We've felt their pain.  We've learned that they continue to grieve at different times.  But we've also shared in their joys, and our lives have become richer in getting to know them.  And because of all of this, we meet up with Mya's birth-family for us, as well.  To learn and grown through this process.

I wouldn't change any part of our journey for one second.

And as our journey continues, we wait...with anxious and excited hearts and minds...for our upcoming chance to spend a couple of hours soaking in the beauty of this family...Mya's birth-family...that we're still getting to know.  Please pray for us...with us...as we anticipate this time together.