Lingering Heartache

As I've mentioned before, we have an open adoption with our daughter's birth mom.  It has been a beautiful thing for us to experience.  A journey of learning and understanding.  A blessing that we try not to take for granted.

And just today, we were in contact with Mya's birth mom and birth grandma.  The amount of time that goes between our email messages or personal letters and gifts varies.  We have no set time frame.  No formula for when to contact each other.  It's often spur-of-the-moment...but also at specific times (like birthdays and Mother's Day).   For all of us...for right now...this seems to work.

In staying connected with Mya's biological family, we've seen glimpses of what this journey has been like for them.  The healing.  The hurting.  The grieving.  The making sense of it all.  The similarities.  The differences.  The common bond of wanting what's best for Mya.  For her life.

And in staying connected, we also have learned that this is still hard for them...specifically for her birth mom.  She knows it was right.  But her heart still hurts.  Some days the pain and the hurt are deeper than others.  In recent days, her pain has been more real.

I will never fully understand what this is like for her, but when I learn this from her birth mom, my heart hurts deeply, too.  For her.  And with her.

We're forever connected in our hearts...even though we're still somewhat strangers.  We're also kinda like long-lost family members.  Joined by a common bond.  Forever connected.  Navigating how things will unfold and develop in our relationship...one day, one email, one moment...at a time.

We don't know if we'll always remain connected to her by email, snail mail, or yearly visits.  We try not to have expectations.  That's one thing we've really gained an appreciation for...trying not to have expectations.  Because when our expectations are not met, feelings can be hurt, relationships can be changed.  And our ultimate desire is to follow the Lord's leading for what's best for Mya.  And not follow our own desires.

There's so much to consider.  So much to think about.  Yet our hearts are full...of appreciation, respect, and empathy...for the family that Mya will forever be tied to in a biological way.  And, so I leave you with the words of a poem (recently published in our local newspaper in a "Dear Abby" article) that has touched our hearts as adoptive parents and continues to express the bond that we will forever share with Mya's birth mom:

Legacy of an Adopted Child
Author Unknown
"Once there were two women
Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
The other you call mother.
Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life
The second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love
The second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you up --
It was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age-old question
Through the years:
Heredity or environment
Which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling -- neither,
Just two different kinds of love."