Holding Her for the First Time

This past weekend, we celebrated a day special to our family.  The day we held Mya for the first time...THREE years ago.

You see, we had been on an adoption waiting list for just shy of two years when we got the call that a baby was born and its birthmom wanted to meet us.  I cannot even begin to describe the emotions involved in receiving that phone call from our caseworker.  The phone call in which she told us that a birthmom wanted to meet us face-to-face.

We had anticipated this moment for soooo long.  We never knew quite what that moment would feel like, but we sure loved dreaming about it.  And when a date, location, and time were in place to meet this woman, this potential birthmom of our child, we were elated.  We were literally on cloud nine.  Certainly, we still guarded our hearts, knowing that she might not choose us, that she might change her mind, that it wouldn't work out.  But the Lord filled us with such hope and thanksgiving.

We met at a local restaurant.  We were nervous.  And excited.  Ecstatic, really.  And we didn't know what to expect.  What it would be like to meet this woman, this person that would make such an incredible decision for her child.  But it was beautiful.

I can immediately flashback to that day when I take the time to think about it.  I can visualize the booth we sat in.  I can remember that I sat on the right-side of Brandon.  This potential birthmom sat across from me, wedged in between our caseworker and her caseworker.  I can remember ordering a sandwich but having little-to-no appetite.  I can remember the caseworkers facilitating the conversation, at times, and the conversations just flowing very naturally at other moments.  I can remember us sharing our likes and our dislikes and laughing together and relating to one another.  And I can vividly remember the moment that our future child's birthmom would look us in the eyes and tell us that she wanted us to be her child's parents.  That her child was a little girl.  And she asked us if we wanted to meet her that same day.

I can remember leaving the restaurant and driving back to the adoption agency.  I can remember talking with our caseworker and her making sure we were okay and checking in with us.  I can remember Mya's birthmom requesting a moment with her baby...by herself...and feeling nervous but extremely hopeful.  And I can remember when the invitation came to us...from her birthmom...to meet her child...our child.  And I can clearly remember holding Mya for the first time.  I can remember Mya's birthmom gently handing over her baby girl and placing her into my arms.  And the tears just flowed.  Tears of joy, thankfulness, and completeness.  And yet, tears of sadness for this other mom who was giving up her ability to hold her child for much longer.  Forever.

And each year, we love to reflect on that day and celebrate it.  We go back to that very restaurant.  We talk to Mya about that day and remind her of her birthmommy's decision and of how much we love her.  And just this past weekend, we enjoyed a meal together...as a family...with our daughter...in that very restaurant.

And I can't help but feel like gratitude and joy are overflowing from my heart when I reminisce about the timing of everything and about the timing of Mya's home-coming being so close to the Thanksgiving holiday.