In my previous post, shared with you yesterday, I explained that we met up with Mya's birthfamily...her birthmom, biological half-brother, and biological grandma...at a restaurant this past weekend. (To read that post, please click here.)
This was our third year meeting up with them. And each time, Mya's birthmom has mentioned to us that she's invited Mya's BIRTHFATHER to attend our visit, as well. Until this year, we had yet to even meet Mya's birthdad. We have his picture in Mya's bedroom, and we've received a positive perspective on who he is from Mya's birthmom (...they are not dating but have stayed in touch throughout their journey...). But until Saturday night, we had never met.
Just like other visits in the past, Mya's birthmom had invited him to come. She never heard back from him and, most likely, just wrote it off as another year that he'd decided to not join us.
So, we were all a little SHOCKED and SURPRISED when he showed up at our booth to introduce himself to me and and Brandon (and Mya, too).
I had JUST taken Mya to the bathroom. I knew she needed to go...but I also needed to take the opportunity to remind her of appropriate table manners while we separated from the rest of the group. And just as we returned, I remember sitting back down at the booth, turning to Mya to help her sit down, and realizing that Brandon was talking over me to someone else. I assumed it was our waitress or the manager. It NEVER CROSSED MY MIND that Brandon would be talking to Mya's birthdad.
It was a quick meeting for me. I turned, introduced myself, and chatted with him very briefly (looking back, I'm pretty sure I was in shock and a bit of denial)...then turned to Mya to help walk her through greeting her birthdad FOR THE FIRST TIME. (Like most little ones, she wasn't super eager say hello...her food held her attention a bit more.) I then remember glancing across the table and realizing that Mya's maternal biological family was equally surprised by his visit...I could see it on their faces. I glanced again overtop Mya to Brandon and remember watching them shake hands and greet one another. It all happened so quickly. Maybe two-, three-minutes max. And yet it felt like a monumental moment in our daughter's life. He didn't force Mya to give him a "high five." He didn't request a hug or suggest that she greet him. He acknowledged that he was a stranger. And he was completely respectful of everyone. His smile was contagious; his face was very joyful.
Then Mya's birthdad made a request..."Brandon, could I talk to you for a minute."
Without hesitation, Brandon agreed and traveled with Mya's birthdad to the lobby of the restaurant. I remained with Mya at the booth...along with her birth-family. So picture this, our food has now arrived. None of us can think about eating. We're all shocked and literally at a loss for words. Brandon is not with me. I ask Mya's birthmom if she knew he was coming...she confirmed that she had invited him but had no idea that he would show. We were pretty much speechless.
Mya's birthdad was on his way to work. He had so much to tell Brandon (and us). And he found a way to fit all of his thoughts and emotions into a ten-minute conversation with Brandon...in the lobby of Texas Roadhouse.
You can imagine that those thoughts and emotions were pretty powerful. You can imagine that I was dying to find out from Brandon WHAT HE SAID...but had to wait until AFTER we departed from the restaurant and Mya's maternal biological family. And you can imagine that this now adds a whole other dynamic to what our "open adoption" journey means for Mya and our family. In my next post, I'll share more about how Mya's birthfather's words have already impacted me and our family.
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